The term “Attachment Parenting” was coined by renowned pediatrician Dr. William Sears, author of The Baby Book, The Attachment Parenting Book and The Successful Child.
Sears feels that attachment parenting is what mothers and fathers would do instinctively if they were raising their baby on a desert island without the advice of sleep books, in-laws and psychologists.
Attachment parenting is a high-touch, highly responsive style of infant care is what many parents do naturally without even realizing its name.
If you were to ask 10 attachment parents for their definition of attachment parenting, most likely you would get 10 different answers. Of course there would be some common points throughout all 10 answers, but each parents interpretation would be slightly different.
For me, that is the beauty of attachment parenting.
Attachment parenting is not black and white. There many shades of gray allowing families to grow within the basic principles that make up the attachment parenting philosophy. This flexibility is something that Sears encourages new parents to embrace.
Simply do what is right for you and your baby.
Sears created the eight Baby B’s:
- Birth Bonding – This involves many things but the primary element is allowing a newborn to nurse as soon as possible after birth.
- Breastfeeding - This allows a mother to tap into her instincts and learn her babies cues. The physical closeness of breastfeeding not only provides incredible nutrition to your baby, but also helps mothers cope with the Baby Blues, the hormone ups and downs that occur after giving birth.
- Babywearing - Wearing your baby several hours a day in a sling, wrap, or pouch naturally sooths, comforts ands calms babies. A baby that is given this type of contact during the day tends to sleep better at night.
- Bedding close to baby – This is one of the most controversial principles of attachment parenting. Co-sleeping, when done properly, is a wonderful way to extend your attachment parenting into the night but for those who are not comfortable sharing their bed with an infant, Sears suggests having the baby at least in your room by your bed in a bassinet, Amby baby hammock or Arms Reach Co Sleeper.
- Belief in the language value of baby’s cry - A babies cry is their only form of communication. The thinking that a crying infant is trying to manipulate the parents is absurd. Trust your instincts and comfort your baby when crying. A baby cries for a reason such as hunger, fatigue, over-stimulation or gas.
- Beware of baby trainers – There are several books out there advocating the cry-it out method and putting your baby is a regimented feeding schedule. Needless to say, attachment parenting does NOT advocate this method.
- Balance – Being a mom is hard work, especially if you are trying to balance work and family in those early sleep-deprived months. A common misconception of attachment parenting is that the baby runs the show and this is not the case at all. It is also about knowing when to say yes and when to say no.
- Both – A baby needs both parents to share in their care, especially at night. There is nothing wrong with a father taking the baby from mom after a late night feeding to them walk, rock, sooth the baby back to sleep if need be.
Overall, attachment parenting is about trusting your instincts and doing what is best for your family. Every family dynamic is different and there is no one plan or parenting approach that will fit all families.
Allow yourself to be open to any and all parenting approaches, listen to your instincts and babies cues and you will find your way.
Remember, as natural as parenting can be, it is also a skill that needs to be learned and is in constant flux. As soon as you think you have it all figured out, your baby/toddler/child hits another milestone and changes all the rules.
This fact alone is why attachment parenting can be so effective because it allows you to bend, sway and grow with your child.
As always, I encourage feedback and input from all of you. Please leave a comment of question below. If you disagree, that’s okay too. To each his own and at the end of the day it is YOUR baby, therefor its your decision as to how you choose to parent your child.
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